So I've switched to try using a Custom URL, but can't seem to figure out how to break it down to fill out the Dynamic DNS Server, Path, Username, Password and Hostname.
If this is the update url, how do I fill out Dynamic DNS?
Welp - now I feel dumb. I did read the articles, guess I didn't realize "the wiki entry for "freedns.afraid.org" is anyway bullshit" meant the guide is totally and entirely bullshit, especially the part that says username/password aren't needed.
I plugged my actual FreeDNS username and password and my target hostname and yup everything started working.